After my final course paper draft #1 I felt confident that the paper was strong as far as local concerns such as sentence structure, and grammar. However, during the peer workshop discussion, it was brought to my attention that I did indeed have a lot of work to do regarding local errors. My peers pointed out some errors that could easily be fixed, but I needed to edit the entire paper in order to improve it.
The main thing I improved was my last paragraph before transitioning into the advocacy part of my paper. I reviewed my MMs on commas, and I noticed that I had many comma splices in my work. If you look at my 9th body paragraph from my 1st draft you’ll notice that the very first sentence is awkwardly worded. Also, what I wanted to say what was that the population will be vulnerable to lung disease as carbon dioxide levels rise. Bad sentence structure can changed the meaning of the sentence. I changed this sentence in my final draft, directly stating what I wanted to say. The last 3 sentences of this paragraph are also completely different from my final paper. I added more of a transition words in order to make the paper flow freely. In my final paper, you’ll notice a couple sentences that were reworded in order to make them stronger. Furthermore, I noticed my thesis in draft #1 was almost over a page long, I was able to condense it in my final paper by combining sentences and cutting some words out in order to get straight to the point. I was able to do this throughout my entire paper, reducing my paper to a comfortable length within the 10 to 12 page limit. My sentences are longer in my final paper compared to my earlier drafts.
My final paper generally flows better than my first draft, this is mainly because I had writing mentors read through it and they were able to identify the places that needed work, for example, the topic sentences of paragraph 5 and 6 were changed because the sentence structure made the sentence weaker.
As I reviewed my paper I fixed grammatical errors that had to do with tense, I also had too many spaces before and after periods. Likewise, I had to fix format errors that I had not noticed before, such as the size of the margins, and the page header. Because my paper had to do with lung disease, there were many medical terms that I didn’t know prior to my research. However I had to make sure to incorporate them in accordingly. In addition, I came across many terms many new terms in our weekly assigned readings. The majority of the articles assigned had to do with climate change, and this helped me become familiar with terms that I was later see in my course paper research. My vocabulary has expanded specifically in the area of climate change, expanding my vocabulary in anyway possible will be helpful for future papers and even educational discussions.